


Cautious

by Kattwyllie



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Explicit Language, F/F, Fluff, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-02
Updated: 2020-10-02
Packaged: 2021-03-08 05:00:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26779996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kattwyllie/pseuds/Kattwyllie
Relationships: Olivia Benson/Reader
Kudos: 43
Collections: SVU





	1. Chapter 1

To say you were late for work was an understatement, you’d at least had the brains to send Olivia a quick text, some lame excuse as to why you weren’t there when you were supposed to be. By the time you scurried into the bull pen to your desk it was empty, everyone out in the field on calls already. You took a moment to calm your racing heart, burying your face in your hands, slowing down your breathing, focussing on the quietness of the room. You jumped when you felt a hand on your shoulder, pulling away from the contact, 

“Shit. Sorry Cap.” You gave her a weak smile, trying to avoid her gaze.

“Baker, you okay?” Her words were laced with concern.

“Yeah, fine. Just, little jumpy today.”

“Okay…wanna tell me about that nasty bruise on your cheek?” 

“It’s nothing—slipped in the shower, m’fine.” You flushed, wishing you’d been able to cover it with make up, even more thankful for your blazer covering the bruising on your arms.

“You sure?”

“Yeah, I mean, it hurts like a bitch…but I’ll survive.”

“Okay…” Olivia didn’t believe you at all, first being late was something you never did, most days you were the first in the squad room, but you were clearly on edge, she didn’t want to push it. She retreated to her office, letting you work in peace. 

She’d originally come across you when SVU was working a case alongside narcotics, you were well experienced, quick witted and had no problem taking on terrifying drug lords. When she’d caught wind from your Captain that you were looking for a transfer but weren’t quite sure where, she was quick to set up lunch with you, eager to try and get you on her team. You hadn’t really known much about what made someone a ‘special victim’, and the more Olivia explained about it, the more you were intrigued. You had your own history with a sticky situation that made you more inclined to take the job, and a few weeks later you found the 16th precinct to be your new home. 

Throughout the day she kept a closer than normal eye on you, noticing that you seemed nearly panicky, the way your head would shoot towards the door every time someone walked in, you jumped when your phone rang, breaking the silence of the room. You nearly flinched when talking to Sonny as he over exaggerated a point with a swinging hand, there was definitely something going on and she wasn’t quite sure how to approach it quite yet.

When quitting time rolled around, she noticed you lingering slightly, waiting until you let out a hefty sigh, starting to pack up your things. She managed to join you in a private elevator ride, having been worried all day she’d been able to put a string of words together to not force things out of you.

“Don’t seem to eager to get home…” She began, you looked up at her, leant back against the wall of the elevator, confusion taking over your face. “Y/N…I don’t mean to pry, but..if there’s something going on at home, you know you can tell me, right?” You laughed at that, 

“Olivia, I live alone, and I highly doubt my cat is beating me.” She was at least happy to see the small smile leftover from the laugh on your face.

“Well if it’s someone who doesn’t live there, same thing applies.”

“I told you…I fell in the shower, I promise, I’m fine.” 

“Okay.” She gave you a warm smile, “Just remember I’m here for you if you need it.”

“I know.” You gave her hand a soft squeeze as the elevator pinged, making your way back to your car. 

**  
It was the following week, Olivia had been talking with a vic at Mercy, going over pieces of their story. Finally satisfied, she was ready to leave, especially considering it was nearly 3:30 in the morning.

“Captain!” A nurse called out as she moved through the E.R. Sighing heavily she turned around to face them.

“Another one?”

“Not sure if it’s a sexual assault yet but she asked for you specifically by name.” Olivia felt a weird sense of anxiety course through her body, it was probably just a previous victim, someone she had given her card to in the past, but she had a bad feeling as she followed the nurse around the corner to a private room. A sense of shock and rage flew through her as she entered the room, gasping at the sight in front of her,

“Y/N?! What happened?” You gave her a tearful look as her eyes trailed over your body. 

Your eye was quickly blackening, a few cuts across your face, lip split, bruising apparent around your neck, there were literal finger mark bruises on your arms, and one of your wrists was wrapped tightly in a tensor bandage. What she couldn’t see was the bruising on your side, the broken rib, the emotional turmoil you were going through.

“Liv I—“ You tried to hold back a cry, wincing at the pain in your side.

“If you’re about to try and tell me you fell in the shower again I hope you know I’m not going to believe you. And I’m not going to be as gentle about it this time. Who did this to you?”

“My…my ex…” You took a shuddering breath, whimpering through the pain it was causing your body, “Jason McKidd…”

“What happened?” Her voice was gentler now, knowing you were ready to talk, she took a light seat on the edge of your bed, examining your injuries on a closer level, her hand rubbing at your arm lightly.

“Today? Or do you want all of it now?” Her shocked eyes met yours, the pain echoing from you in a way she’d never expected. You’d always been so incredibly strong, you weren’t one to show emotion, there was a completely different side of you she’d never seen. 

“He used to hit you? When you were together?” 

“Not exactly…He—everything started off fine, I don’t even know when things started to go wrong.” You sniffled, thankful for the feel of her warm hand encasing yours, thumb rubbing encouragingly. “He started to get distant, things got…weird? I guess? He start to bail halfway through dates, disappearing in the middle of the night, always had some dumb excuse that I guess I was dumb enough to believe.”

“Was he cheating?” She asked softly, you couldn’t help but laugh at that.

“Might’ve been, who knows.” You wiped a tear away, “He was super drunk when he showed up one night, hit me, only once, I immediately kicked him out. Had to pull my gun on him to get him to actually leave…It was a few months later narcotics made a huge bust into a drug ring, low and behold, there he was…I arrested him myself..”

“He go to jail?”

“Yeah.” You took a breath, “Apparently got out early. The A.D.A. was supposed to get an order of protection but missed the early release. I ran into him on the way home last week, he was super pissed, probably drunk if not on something, grabbed me, threw me into a wall, hit me. Thankfully a uni car was rolling by and he bolted, but he must’ve followed me home or something.”

“He showed up at your apartment?”

“Yeah.” You did your best to hold back a sob, thankful for the feeling of Olivia’s arm wrapping around you, leaning against her shoulder, “He was furious, couldn’t imagine why I’d want to lock him up. He demanded I apologize for it, that I do something with my shield to make his arrest disappear and when I refused, he just started….beating me…I couldn’t get away, he wouldn’t stop..I must’ve passed out when he choked me ‘cause that’s the last thing I remember.”

“Okay…we’re gonna get him, okay?” You glanced up, tears in your eyes, lower lip trembling as you looked at your Captain.

“I’m sorry I lied last week…I just—thought it was a one time thing, didn’t think he’d have the balls to show up again.”

“It’s okay, you’re okay, you’re going to get through this, understand me?” You nodded as she gave your hand a soft squeeze, “I’m gonna grab a nurse, we’ll have to get photos of your injuries.” You gave another nod, “Did he…?”

“I don’t know…I don’t think so? I don’t…feel…like he did.”

“Are you okay if they swab just in case?”

“Yeah..” You took another shuddering breath, knowing that you being uncomfortable for a minute was more important than letting him walk on lesser charges. Olivia could sense the weakness feeling radiating from you, before she left your side, she pulled you to her, wrapping an arm around you while she gave the top of your head a gentle kiss.

“You’re not any less of a person, or any less of a detective because of this, you hear me? We’ve all been through some horrible shit, whether on the job or in our personal lives, you’ll get through this, you’ll process it, and you’ll move forward. Don’t think any less of yourself just because you became the victim, because victims are survivors, and survival means strength, okay?”

“You’re really good at that y’know?” You gave a small laugh, the smile staying on your cheeks for a moment. Olivia gave you a soft glance, smile on her cheeks before she moved from the room. You knew you were in for one hell of a long night, and that things weren’t going to wrap up quickly, you were in it for the long haul.


	2. Chapter 2

Olivia handled your case herself over the next long hours of the night alongside Fin, wanting to keep it more on the down-low out of respect for your privacy. Obviously the squad would eventually end up finding out, but she knew how dicey these things could get, and knowing you, you’d want to keep it as private as possible. Right after they left you at the hospital they picked up Jason, conveniently finding him nursing his bloody knuckles, dumb ass hadn’t even bothered to change out of the shirt splattered with your blood.

He spent the night in the tombs, awaiting arraignment in the morning, Olivia obviously kept you in the loop, also wanting to check in with you. She was glad you were back home resting, and you were relieved knowing Jason was behind bars, unable to bother you. Completely exhausted (and slightly hopped up on pain pills) you were able to pass out pretty easily that night, though your dreams were more like nightmares, filled with the images of how horrible he treated you. When you woke up you were almost even more tired than you’d been the night before. 

Nonetheless you powered through, Cabot had reminded you that the judge was more sympathetic in terms of higher bail being set if the visibly injured victim was in the courtroom and arraignment was in an hour. You were ever thankful to find Olivia outside the courthouse, a gentle smile on her face as she greeted you.

“How you holdin’ up?” 

“Exhausted.” You gave a weary sigh, “Kept…having flashbacks every time I rolled over, think whatever they gave me for pain actually made them worse.” Olivia gave your arm a gentle squeeze, 

“Well I’m glad you’re here.” You gave her a tight smile, 

“Thanks for coming.”

As it turned out the judge was somewhat sympathetic, but the defence attorney was better, arguing that their client would clearly stay away as there was an order of protection present. Alex did her best to fight it, but Jason’s bail was lower than all of you had hoped, you weren’t sure what his current situation was, simply praying that he wouldn’t be able to raise it. 

Unluckily for your anxiety levels, you got a text from Alex a few days later that he’d made bail, and was back on the streets of New York free to do basically whatever he wanted. You were off work for at least a week, Olivia had left the time length more open to you, knowing you needed time to emotionally heal before coming back to this line of work. You ended up taking two before you couldn’t stand sitting at home doing absolutely nothing, willingly accepting the desk duty that Liv offered until your rib was healed. As for the rest of your injuries, your lip had healed, the bruise on your face paling a little bit more each day, you were thankful the rest were able to be covered by clothing, glad you could wrap an infinity scarf around your neck to cover those ones when you finally returned to work.

The squad was happy to have you back, honestly feeling a little overwhelmed with the level of cases, no one mentioned anything about why you were absent, you figured since Fin was the only one giving you a soft eye that Olivia had fed them some lie, keeping your case just between the three of you. You spent a couple of weeks finishing paperwork for the others, ever so thankful the one time Liv let you try your hand at a perp that wouldn’t break to anyone else (totally not surprised when they nearly crumbled at your interrogation). 

You were, once again, the last person in the squad room, this time much later than the previous, pouring over paperwork, filling out 5’s and reports for the other detectives. Olivia had been so caught up checking things over and buried in phone calls with 1PP and other Captains she didn’t even realize you were there until she herself was ready to leave.

“Baker…you still here?”

“I-uh..” You quickly checked your watch, “Guess I didn’t realize how late it was.” She shot you a knowing glance at that, 

“You hate desk duty, and you hate paperwork more than anyone here, yet you’ve been taking on mountains of extra since…” She trailed off, not really wanting to bring it up, but knowing she had to mention the issue, she was worried about you and wanted to make sure you were actually okay. You gave a heavy sigh, flipping shut the file in front of you, tossing it into the appropriate pile on your desk.

“I…I kinda…hate being at home.” You admitted, not sure if you could meet her eye quite yet, “I can barely sleep, the images of him haunt me…and every bump I hear, I think it’s him. I know there’s an order of protection in place, but how powerful is a piece of paper over someone who already broke their parole? I keep thinking he’s gonna show up at my door…” You finally looked up at her and she could see the tears shimmering in your eyes, “He knows where I live, he’s already tracked me down once…” Liv felt her heart breaking at the admission, knowing just how hard it was to be a victim, and how it was even harder to admit it when you worked in a job like this. She hated the fact that McKidd had gotten out on bail, she’d nearly torn a strip off Alex about it after she’d found out, despite knowing the A.D.A. did everything she could.

“Hey…If you’re not comfortable at home, why don’t you spend a few nights at my place?”

“Really?” You’d never thought she’d suggest it, you could tell she was more invested in this case than the others, thinking it was simply because you were a member of the squad.

“Yeah, I’ve got an extra room. You’re more than welcome to stay ’til the trial ends.”

“Liv, that could be months.” She shrugged, 

“And I’d rather have my detectives feeling safe than leave them feeling alone. C’mon,” She gestured, “We’ll swing by your place to pick up whatever you need.”

*  
Olivia was true to her word, she followed you back to your apartment, waiting while you tossed what you thought you’d need into a backpack for a week or so, hopefully enough time for your life to get back to normal. She welcomed you into her home with open arms, reminding you to make yourself at home as you dropped your bag in the guest room. The two of you fell into an easy flow of conversation, you were ever thankful for the distraction from everything, more than happy with the delicious wine she pulled out, pouring you a hefty glass. That night you ordered take out, settling into the couch deep into a Kardashian marathon, you’d originally laughed at Liv’s choice of show, never have imagining your Captain as someone who was into the show, she reiterated that it was a guilty pleasure, and mindless T.V. was the best to distract from the dreariness of real life. 

She certainly wasn’t wrong, you found yourself laughing over the trivial problems of the elite over generous glasses of cabernet for a few hours, the fears of Jason being able to find you completely vanishing from your brain. You have a hefty yawn, the red wine not helping your already over exhausted state that she couldn’t help chuckle at.

“You’re more than welcome to bail at anytime.” She gave you a soft look that you couldn’t help but smile at, stretching out your stiff body.

“As enthralling as this is, I feel like I should probably head to bed.” You reached out, giving her hand a gentle squeeze, “Liv, thank you for this…really….you have no idea how much it means to- actually be…appreciated?”

“Know you’re welcome here anytime you need.” She squeezed your hand back, “Make yourself at home okay? There’s no need to feel awkward or anything.”

“Thanks. I mean it.” You gave her a gentle smile, moving back to the guest room where you were finally able to fall into a peaceful and relaxing sleep, knowing that someone else was around, more importantly, someone who cared. It was the best sleep you’d had in weeks.


	3. Chapter 3

Over the next couple of days Olivia found herself actually quite enjoying having another person around the house. She’d always been pretty adamant about not having a roommate, she loved her personal time, her alone time, the time to wind down from being in charge and in go mode all day. You however weren’t overbearing at all, and it wasn’t that you were tiptoeing around, you simply also enjoyed your own space, usually giving each other that quiet wind down time before reuniting for wine and trashy television. She came to find that you truly weren’t a morning person, and you often opted for a late sleep in and dashing quickly to work after she’d already left, leaving her mornings quiet. 

It was the following week when she came home, not surprised to find you there since you’d had the day off, busy moving through the kitchen, a soft playlist echoing through the apartment. At the sound of her dropping her keys you turned to face the door, 

“Hey! Perfect timing, I’m almost done.”

“Done…what?”

“Balsamic goat cheese stuffed chicken with lobster risotto.” You smiled right before your face scrunched, “Oh fuck, you’re not allergic to shellfish are you?” She laughed at the panic in your eyes.

“No.” She moved into the apartment, shucking her coat onto a spare chair, “Can’t say I expected this.” Tugging down a couple of wine glasses and filling them with pinot noir, you shrugged,

“I get antsy when I’ve got nothing to do.” You pulled the chicken from the oven as the timer went off, “I may have also taken the liberty of cleaning out your fridge…Ya know, you can’t survive of Szechuan noodles forever right?” Olivia laughed, taking a sip of wine,

“Yeah well, work tends to make things…chaotic…”

“You don’t have to tell me that.” You began plating up the meal, “I went to Whole Foods, may have spent the day meal prepping. There’s enough in there for you too, feel free to help yourself.”

“Y/N! You really didn’t have to do that.”

“I’m in your space rent free, it’s the least I could do.” You settled in at the island across from her, “‘Sides, there’s nothing better than a home cooked meal, after a rough day.”

“You’re not wrong there.” She gave you a warm smile as you both dug into dinner, she nearly groaned in satisfaction over the food, “This is incredible…you always been this good of a cook?”

“Picked it up from my Mom, she was always insistent on home cooked meals, never having the same thing twice in a week. I’d get bored and start to help her, I think she loved that more than the cooking, kinda became our thing together. I used to go over every Sunday to help her with dinner for the family…” LIv noticed the nostalgic far off look in your eyes, 

“What happened?” She asked softly, you sighed, stabbing at a piece of chicken.

“Cervical cancer…happened so fast we barely got to say goodbye…”

“I’m sorry.” Her hand reached out to give your free one a quick squeeze.

“Thanks.” You hummed over a gulp of wine, “It was five years ago, but now I basically never see my family. I tried to keep the whole Sunday dinner thing going but no one was having it.”

“Shame, they’re missing out on some incredible food.”

“Yeah well…turns out I found my new family at SVU…” You gave her a gentle smile that she returned, knowing that you’d fit in with the squad with complete ease, finding your place amongst them faster than any of her previous detectives.

The rest of the night was spent as you usually did, relaxed on the couch, though thanks to it being Friday you indulged in probably too much wine, and Olivia encouraged you to pick the entertainment this time. You’d eventually settled on the Scream franchise, shocked that she hadn’t seen any of them yet, you made it through the original three before realizing it was probably the responsible decision to head to bed. She made sure to remind you that she’d take care of any of the dishes, you’d not only cooked tonight but made meals for the entire week, it was only fair.

After that night Olivia realized how comfortable she was with you in her usual private space, you always had this knack to know exactly when she needed space, and when she needed a friend. Your meals were absolutely delicious and she was beyond thankful to not have to eat her millionth take out of the week anymore. She started taking the time to grocery shop alongside you, unable to not laugh at the way you would hum and haw over certain products, unable to decide which one was deemed the best. You alternated on who paid the bill, and she was always more than willing to clean around the kitchen after you were finished, no matter how much of a mess you had made. 

Sundays slowly became a day to make sure you always ate together, sometimes with a few other people from the squad over, her little way of bringing the Sunday family dinner back into your life. You were more than appreciative of the way Liv was accepting into your lifestyle, the way she’d taken you in at a time where you were at your absolute most broken and constantly made sure that you were doing okay, that she was doing everything she could to make sure you were happy. You both enjoyed each others company, you shared many similar interests, and started to slip from just detective and captain to actual friends, good friends who were more than thankful for the change in your lives despite the situation that had brought you together.


	4. Chapter 4

You gave a quick knock on the doorframe of Olivia’s office, popping your head in.

“Hey.” She greeted brightly, “Thought you’d be at the courthouse already.”

“M’m on my way.” You moved into the room, “But you forgot this on the counter this morning.” You dropped the Tupperware down onto her desk.

“Thanks.” She smiled warmly, “I didn’t even realize.”

“You would have once you realized it was chips and candy for lunch instead.” Olivia gave a soft laugh at that, 

“Hey, I wanted to say I’m really sorry I can’t be there today.” You shrugged, 

“It’s just the verdict…Fin’s coming with me. And I know you’ve got more important Captain-y stuff to do anyways.” Olivia felt her heart sink at your statement, she really had wished she could be there for you, she’d made a point to be there every other day of the trial, no matter what else was on her plate.

“It may be Captain-y stuff, but it’s definitely not more important.” You gave her a soft smile, “And if he somehow manages to walk, I don’t expect you back here after.”

“Doesn’t matter the verdict, I’ll be back. There’s victims out there who’ve gone through a hell of a lot worse who need my help putting their attackers where they belong.” She couldn’t help but smile at that, knowing that that meant you were healing, slowly starting to move past the attack and its consequences, you’d finally gotten back to the ferocious detective she’d hired.

“Well, drinks tonight either way?” She suggested, you smiled across at her.

“‘Course. If he walks we’re ordering pizza and McDonalds, and I’m cracking open a bottle of tequila. Otherwise I’m making beef wellington and scallops.” 

“What, you auditioning for Hell’s Kitchen?” Liv joked back, a smirk on her face,

“Hey! Ramsey would be proud.” The laugh etched on your face, a small glint in your eye evident to her as you turned towards the door, “I should get going. I’ll see ya later?”

“Definitely.” 

You shot her a wicked grin as you left the office, more than thankful for the support you’d gotten from her over the past month. You’d originally felt like you were putting her out being at her apartment, but it had become such a comfort for the both of you, having someone around more often than not. You were always more than happy to cook, happy to finally have someone to share the food with other than yourself.

As it had turned out, Alex had done the incredible job you knew she would, managing to convince the entirety of the jury into voting guilty on all counts against Jason. Fin gave your arm a gentle squeeze as you let out a large sigh of relief, knowing that you could finally start to truly return to your real life, unafraid that he’d be able to track you down again. Thanking Alex, you left the courthouse, heading back to the squad room to keep working on your current cases for the rest of the afternoon. 

You had to admit, you were a bit emotionally exhausted, ever thankful when the time for the shift change came around, able to leave the office with Liv. That didn’t stop you from making true on your promise of cooking when you got back to her apartment, the conversation flowed easily as she watched you flit through her kitchen, indulging in delicious glasses of wine. She groaned over the taste of the food as you presented it to her, amazed that you were able to cook this much of a variety of things so incredible well, you nearly flushing at her praise. When dinner was finished you placed the dishes into the sink while the two of you moved over to the couch with a fresh bottle of wine, eager to dig into a 30 Rock marathon, your most recent binge series. It was amazing how far you’d come from that first night in her apartment, the two of you completely loosened up around each other, there was never a moment of tension or awkwardness, you moved so rhythmically around each other through the space, barely needing to actually vocalize your thoughts before the other would be able to sense them. It was when the second bottle of red was drained, your glasses empty, you’d managed to wrap up a season of T.V. that you yawned, grumbling something unintelligible as you stood from the couch, your empty glass finding its way beside the sink. When you started to tug on your coat, Olivia spoke,

“Where’re you going?”

“Home?” You looked up at her, a tilt of confusion on your face, “Trial’s over…thought that’s what we’d agreed on?” Olivia couldn’t help but feel her heart sink in disappointment at your statement. Truthfully, that was what you’d originally laid out as the plan, but she’d gotten so used to having someone else around it felt weird to have you leave.

“I—yeah, it was.” She gave you a soft look, “Just, stay tonight? We’ve been drinking, I’d hate you to be out there alone this late.” You gave her a gentle smile, tugging your coat off your frame.

“You’re the boss.” You shot her a smirk, “I am gonna ditch you for bed though, it’s been a helluva day.”

“I can only imagine.” She moved from the couch, giving you a gentle hug, “You let me know if you need anything, okay?”

“Always. And Liv, thank you. Really. You’ve been absolutely incredible through all of this.” You gave her hand a squeeze, shooting her another soft smile before you retreated to the guest room.


	5. Chapter 5

In the two weeks that followed things shifted in your lives, you were back at your apartment, and while you still jumped at sudden noises every so often, you knew you were safe, and were sleeping fine at night, well rested each day for work. Olivia was quick to notice just how much she missed the domestic-ness of having another person in the apartment, someone to talk to, just the knowledge of another body around more often. She was more than happy to watch the brightened way you worked through cases, the knowledge of McKidd being behind bars making you feel safer, much less on edge. 

Friday night rolled around, sighing, she closed the fridge, knowing that there wasn’t anything edible in it anymore. She had just picked up the phone to call for take out when there was a knock at her door. Brows furrowing at the thought of having to shift back into work mode, she moved across the room, swinging the door open.

“Y/N?”

“Thought your fridge might need some restocking.” You held up a bag, your head nodding towards the phone in her hand, “About to call New Dynasty?” 

“Yeah…” She laughed, amused at the fact that you even knew which restaurant she was planning to order from. She noticed the way you were lingering in the doorway, “Thought you said something about a date tonight.”

“Meh…” You shrugged, “He bailed on me last minute. Probably a cue that I shoulda stuck to just women.”

“Oh?” That was some new information.

“What can I say? I like the wine, not the label.” 

“Well if you’ve got nowhere to be…”

“‘Course…” You smirked, moving into her apartment as you swung the door shut behind you, “You better not’ve been watching 30 Rock without me.”

“Now why would I do something like that?” She joked back, rolling her eyes when you tsk’d at the emptiness of her fridge as you put the food away. You fell into an easy string of conversation, falling back into the routines you’d kept up during your stay at Olivia’s apartment. 

You gratefully accepted the glass of wine from her as you popped a tray of lasagna into the oven, setting the timer on your phone. You caught her up on the failed date, explaining that you’d met through an app, had been talking all week but he bailed once he found out you were a cop. Olivia had moved around the island with the intention of topping up the glasses of wine, reaching the bottle of wine right as you swung around to grab a spatula, not so conveniently located directly behind her. You spun on your toes, leaning a little too far to the right, teetering over as you lost your balance, grasping at whatever was nearest to straighten up. Your hand ended up on Liv’s bicep, her other hand instinctively wrapped around the small of your back to steady you. You felt your breath hitch at the closeness to her body, eyes darting up to hers, in any other situation she would’ve made the move, especially after your admission earlier, but she held back. You stood, frozen in time for a moment, the oven timer causing you to both jump. You muttered a quick thanks, grabbing the spatula before quickly shutting off the timer and pulling the lasagna from the oven.

That tiny moment was really all it took for it to click with Olivia, the way you flushed, the fact that you didn’t immediately pull away, the fact that she definitely didn’t want to pull away… She’d fallen for you. It had been completely unintentional, but over the past few months she’d truly gotten to know you, the real you, the outside of work you. The you that was an incredible cook, the woman who loved t.v. marathons, who loved Sunday walks through the park, collecting the leaves as they changed colour, practically squealing at every dog you came across. 

There were only a few minutes of awkwardness as you plated up the food, when you settled into the island and slid a plate across to her it broke her out of her trance. She gave a quiet thanks and a soft smile that you returned, once you began to dig into dinner the coziness returned to the room as she joked that you could give Carisi a run for his money with your Italian cooking. You assured her it was the mix of goat and ricotta cheeses, but not to tell Sonny that you’d used canned sauce. The rest of the night proceeded with ease, the tension of the earlier moment only lingering in the back of your brains as dishes were dropped in the sink and you settled into the couch to continue your marathon. It was around eleven when you finally checked your watch, 

“I should probably head out…don’t wanna be out there too late.” You began to gather your coat, double checking you had your phone and keys as Olivia walked you to the door. “I’ll see ya Monday?”

“‘Course. Text me if you need anything.”

“Always.” You gave her a soft smile before leaving the apartment, waiting until the elevator doors closed to let out a heavy sigh, head dropping back against the wall. Fuck. You weren’t entirely sure when over the past few months it had happened, but you’d managed to develop feelings for your Captain, how fucking inconvenient was that? She’d been such a rock for you when you were trapped in what felt like absolute hell, you’d always gotten along but now you knew the Olivia side of her, the side that didn’t always shine through at work. She’d welcomed you into her life and home with such grace and ease you hadn’t even realized you were slipping until you were so far deep you weren’t sure what the hell you were going to do next.


	6. Chapter 6

A few days later Amanda was in Olivia’s office, going over some evidence for a case she’d caught, she was quick to catch on to the way Olivia seemed to only be half paying attention as she wrapped up the professional side of things, shifting over to a personal conversation.

“Liv, you okay?”

“Hmm?” The other woman replied, glancing up at the detective.

“You just seem…a little…out of it recently? Everything okay?” Olivia gave a soft laugh at that, running a hand over her face with a deep sigh, knowing she could trust Amanda.

“Yeah, everything’s fine.” She hummed, trying to figure out the right way to word it, “I just—have you ever ended up having feelings for someone that you probably shouldn’t act on?” Amanda snorted at the comment, 

“Liv, please, it’s me…I’ve probably fucked someone’s husband. I mean, how proper is it for me to have slept with my sponsor?” The older woman gave a laugh at that,

“Not exactly ideal…” She gave another sigh, leaning her arms against her desk, “I didn’t realize it was even happening, I thought it came out of nowhere at first but now that I look back, it started so slowly and so innocently I had no idea, and now…I’m so far deep…”

“You don’t know how to get out.” Amanda finished for her.

“Exactly.”

“Well what makes you think you shouldn’t act on them?” Olivia shot her a look, 

“I just shouldn’t.”

“Ya know….you’ve been spending a lot of time with Baker recently….is it because she’s straight or because she’s part of the squad?” Amanda smirked, using the knowledge of your case to assume you only liked men. Olivia gave her a hardened glare, hating that she’d been able to figure it out so quickly.

“She’s not straight…”

“Oh?”

“Nothing happened!” Liv quickly defended, “It just came up last week…there was a…moment, I guess. Normally I would’ve acted on it but all things considered it felt…not ideal.”

“Why not just talk to her about it? I mean, you’re both adults, screw what 1PP has to say about the matter, love is love, right? You taught me that. Just because you’re her Captain doesn’t mean you have to stay away from each other. It’s not exactly like you’re one to play favourites, you’ve always treated everyone with the same attitude and regulations no matter what your relationship with them was.”

“Yeah, but I doubt 1PP would be okay with a Captain dating a detective in their unit, no matter the circumstances and I don’t want to lose her, she’s too good of a fit in this unit.”

“Well I’m sure you’ll figure things out, at least start by talking to her, see how she feels about the whole thing before you stress yourself out about losing another detective.”

“Thanks Amanda.” Liv cast her a small smile, “Hey, could you—“ Rollins was quick to cut her off, 

“I won’t say anything, promise.” The blonde shot her a smile, moving to leave the office, knowing she had much more work to do.

**

Meanwhile, you and Fin had been sitting on a suspect, stationed outside his Brownstone entirely bored with your lives since there had been no movement whatsoever. He traipsed back to the car with fresh coffee and some snacks for the two of you, you barely even registered him returning, too deep in a daydream. He chuckled lightly, giving you a nudge with his elbow, causing you to jump slightly,

“Who ya thinkin’ about?”

“What?” You shot him a look of confusion, 

“Normally I’d say you were thinking about the case, but that dreamy look in your eyes says otherwise…” You blushed at that, “C’mon, we’re stuck here all day the least you can do is indulge me in some gossip.” Sighing, you took a cautious sip of the coffee, letting it warm your body before you spoke.

“I’ve got a stupid crush on someone I can’t have.”

“Oh c’mon, there’s not a dude out there who’s outta your league.”

“Yeah but there’s plenty of girls…” You fiddled with the lid of your coffee cup to distract yourself, “Not like being out of my league is the problem anyway.”

“Well what’s the problem?”

“We just…shouldn’t…I was at her place over the weekend and we had a…moment, I did everything I could to hold back from kissing her. Everything felt right, like it was the moment, ya know?” When you glanced up you caught the smirk on his face.

“You were at Liv’s place last weekend…”

“Fuck, this is why I don’t like having these conversations with detectives.” You rolled your eyes as he laughed.

“Hey, Liv’s only a stickler for the rules cause she doesn’t want the brass coming down on her for a stupid mistake one of us made. Before she got promoted it was her and her partner getting called into the Captain’s office on a weekly basis.” 

“Really?”

“Yeah.” You hummed over another sip of coffee, attempting to process your thoughts.

“You’re a sergeant, would you ever date someone in your squad?”

“You askin’ me out?” He teased. You shoved at his shoulder, rolling your eyes.

“You know that’s not what I mean!”

“I’m over the whole dating thing by now, but you know me, I do whatever I want.” You snorted at the truth to his statement, “I say go for it, these past few days Liv’s been looking at you with the same face she gives a fresh cup of coffee during an overnight shift. It’s not like she’s one to give special treatment.”

“I dunno…I just…am hesitant…”

“You’ll figure it out, you’ve got a good head on your shoulders.”

“Thanks Fin.”


	7. Chapter 7

Another few weeks had passed, and while you’d had a few moments in passing with Liv, neither of you truly acted on anything. You’d caught more than a few cases and were sinking in work the entire time, there were a few interactions that you would definitely have deemed flirtatious, but you were still hesitant over the entire thing, not quite knowing where Olivia sat on the situation. Once the files were all sent off to the DA’s office and the cases were much more in the hands of the lawyers rather than you, the squad was finally able to relax a bit. Fin had wrangled you into joining him at Spring Lounge Friday night, making the plans on Thursday since he had the next day off. You figured it was probably a good way to unwind after working such crazy hours and agreed.

You were the last one in the squad room that night, Amanda managing to convince you into finishing up her paperwork since she had a date. By the time you finished up you were nearly late to meet Fin, dropping the 5’s into the outbox on your desk you quickly gathered your things, heading down to the bar. 

As you pushed the door open your eyes scanned the room, unable to find Fin anywhere, figuring he was running behind you made your way up to the bar, at least you’d be able to grab a drink while you waited. You quickly ordered from the bartender before you head glanced to your left while the drink was being made.

“Liv?” Her head shot up at the sound of your voice, a soft smile on her face.

“Y/N, hey…what’re you doing here?” The bar wasn’t your usual hangout space, nowhere near the precinct or either of your apartments.

“Fin managed to coerce me into drinks, said something about how he’d finally teach me to play pool.” You paused briefly, sliding the bartender cash for your glass of wine, “What’re you doing here?”

“Waiting for Rollins.” Your brows furrowed at that, 

“‘Manda had a date tonight…had me finish her paperwork for her…” Olivia let out a small laugh at that, 

“And I hate to break it to you but I doubt Fin’s showing up…he’s working the overnight shift.”

“Seriously?” 

“Yeah…” Liv gave you a warm smile as you shifted around the bar stools between you, planning to settle on the one next to her, “How into breaking a couple minor rules are you?”

“What’d I do?” You felt your heart race in your chest, your brain frantically thinking through the last couple of weeks, searching for some mistake you’d made working a case. Olivia laughed, giving your arm a squeeze.

“Nothing….but I have a strong feeling that we’re…being set up.” Your eyes shot up to hers, noticing the sparkle in them you’d seen a few times before, you found your breath hitching, “So I’ll ask again…are you okay with bending a couple of rules?”

You took in the smirk on her face, the closeness of your bodies, the way her hand hadn’t left your arm, thumb softly caressing against your skin, the meaning behind her words enticing you even more than you could imagine. If there was ever a moment meant to be acted on, it was now, that was very, very apparent, you saw your chance and boldly, you took it. Leaning in, your hand cupped against her cheek, lips meeting against hers in a slightly hesitant but still very intimate kiss. Her free arm wrapped around you tightly, pulling you flush against her as her lips moved with grace against yours. She dared to run her tongue across your lower lip, smiling at how quickly you were to allow her access into your mouth, able to taste the rose on your tongue, nearly groaning at the sensation of your tongue against hers. It was only after a moment of the two of you realizing you were very much in public that you pulled away, a quick smaller kiss shared between you, a flush taking over your cheeks, an adorable giggle escaping your lips.

“Guess if that’s what I get I should start breaking more rules.” You smirked, pecking Olivia again before finally settling into the bar stool.

“Hey, don’t get any ideas.” She jokingly warned, more than happy at the way your hand found hers, fingers interlocking on the bar top.

Sure, you had some murky waters to sort through, but the air was finally cleared and open between the two of you, and that’s exactly what you’d been needing. You spent the evening talking over things, openly flirting back and fourth at the bar before settling the tab, heading back to Olivia’s apartment. Not that anything would happen that night, and you were more than okay with that, you’d simply wanted a little bit more privacy. Curling up against each other on the couch while you marathoned your most recent obsession, freely able to pepper each other’s skin with soft kisses whenever you wanted. 

When you, very expectedly stifled back a yawn, Olivia smiled softly, turning off the t.v. and tugging you to her bedroom where she tossed you some comfy clothes to sleep in. You happily obliged, climbing into the bed beside her, curling against her warm frame. Whatever politics you’d have to face, you were more than ready for, knowing that at least you had each other, and after all this time, that was really all that mattered.


End file.
